Hello world. The following was written 12/12/2014.
Holy Spirit and my Guides, have been working overtime. I am feeling very grateful, at the moment. Hearing the immediate differences in presenters on Awakening Together, has brought some clarity for me. I can listen to someone speaking softly, not agree with them and have no other reactions. Yet, someone gets on and has anger in their voice, are very loud to the point of screaming, and I can’t listen. My whole body tightens, as if I am about to be beaten. Quite the understanding in perceptions, was being handed to me there.
As a child tone of voice, was a cue for me. When a tone of irritation began, the pain started. I learned to try and be somewhere else, at those times. I also learned, it didn’t matter if I was a good little girl. Once I had been touched, I was no longer good and clean. I was still going to be punished, no matter what I did or did not do. This had been reinforced again and again, for 15 years. Each time the punishments started, it was the tone of irritation which started it.
A gritting, biting, choking need to vent their rage, at the world at large. Unable to do so, I was the next best thing. You may have a memory of walking into a place and being given a cold shoulder, by most the Beings there or maybe it was the first day on the job and no one knows who you are, so everyone has their heads together in whispers. Only a brave few step forward right away, to say hello and offer a friendly hug. Now imagine it being your family doing this to you, because you were touched by a man. You are, to be seen and not heard. You try to say anything, and get backhanded. It isn’t to be, spoken of. It didn’t, happen. Say, you are making it all up. This was my experience growing up.
The rage emanating, from those around me. Frustrated rage, they had no way to vent or of knowing how to vent in a healthy, constructive way. Their rage, wasn’t at me. It was at, themselves. I was a reminder, of what they think, they failed to do. Protect the innocent. They forgot in their own fear, guilt and shame, I am still innocent. But more than this, was realizing what I am experiencing in these moments, of someone reaching one tone and going beyond it, is their own hidden rage at themselves for not getting whatever lesson it is they believe they are supposed to be learning. In the moment, I can feel how deeply the emotion is eating at them, as it attaches itself to every word and sound dripping from their mouth. It becomes a physical entity, standing over me. Ready to reinforce every word and syllable, with a sharp painful blow to some part of me. When their rage is too much, I must disconnect fast or be overwhelmed with a terror at the rage contained in their heart, to the point of getting physically ill.
Words are but symbols of symbols. They will only hold the meanings, you attach to them. When you say all the right words, but do not believe or mean what you say, I hear it and FEEL IT. Holy Spirit and my Guides tell me to ask, what it is you truly believe in and place your faith into. You say you believe this and that. Why? What gives you this faith to believe this is Truth? What was the moment or were there many which showed you the way and the Light? What is it, you are holding as Truth in your heart? I have found, everything I hold as Truth, is from experience and not a book I read or something I was told.
Holy Spirit and my Guides have rung my bell tonight, with the reminder I am Empathic. I can hear my brothers’ calls for love and answer them, with love. I am seeing them beating themselves up inside, so horribly. My heart bleeds for this suffering, they play out. The word I am being given for this, is Punishment. What I am experiencing, is the punishments they are meting out, to themselves.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.