Hello world. The following was written 4/26/2015.
On July 4, 2011 Alex and I were in a motorcycle accident. This was my second motorcycle accident. My first was in 2004. We were riding up a one lane road on a mountain at about 15 miles per hour, our tires slipped on some debris in the road as we were coming around a switch back. Our front tire hit the soft shoulder and forced the bike to high side (fall sideways up hill).
My helmet landed on Alex’s should breaking off the ball joint in the cup of the shoulder joint. The bike landed on my foot and leg breaking my foot. When all was said and done we were both given pills to take on top of whatever we were already taking. My pill count was now at 14 pills 4 times a day.
We both, were at the end of our roads and wanted out at this point. Holy Spirit’s guidance for me at this time was to look for a natural alternative. He had already had me change my diet to all organics and showing me things I was allergic too. I had now gotten my migraines under a semblance of control. From having them daily to once a month for a week at a time.
The alternative we found was cannabis. On July 11, 2011 I began using medical cannabis, weaning myself from all the drugs the doctors had me on as per Holy Spirit’s guidance. Within 3 months my weight dropped from 275 lbs. to 245 lbs. My doctors insisted on testing me for meth and other drugs. Two weeks later when they called me with the results of all negatives, I informed my doctors I had lost another 15 lbs. Their response was to tell me to continue doing what I was.
Around 2008 we received a copy of ACIM in our mailbox. We had never heard of it and had no idea where it came from. There was no return address. By December of 2012 almost everything I was diagnosed with had been reversed. Yet I was still suffering from the traumas of my childhood and past. My marriage was on the verge of dying and we both were looking for a better way to love each other. When January rolled around we began doing the workbook for ACIM. One lesson a day, every day for a year.
The teacher we were following was very difficult for me to follow. I could hear the true meanings she attached to the words she used. They did not match the pictures I was getting from Holy Spirit and my Guides. This created a huge conflict for me and as time progressed more and more this conflict would come in stronger.
Part of it was a grudge I was perceiving the “teacher” was holding against me and they were in denial of. By the end of the year they admitted that my perception was “spot on accurate”. I was perceiving a Truth they were denying was there. Because I had continued to try and believe what they were telling me I was suffering extreme pain within. Holy Spirit helped me to see what I was doing. I was believing what was outside of me as Truth. I was listening to the dictates of others without question.
Each time I find myself repeating this copying I suffer. When I listen to and believe what another is telling me I suffer. Even when the other is my Husband. It has been a difficult lesson to learn, but learn it I have.
The only ones I am to listen to and follow are Holy Spirit and my internal Guides. If I try to follow a brother again the inevitable outcome will be death by suicide. Whether it be by rope, razor, wreck or listening to others. All are the same. Some are just faster and less painful then others. The listening is the most insidious though. For it will eat at you from within until your body fails under the weight of the things you are holding onto so tightly.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.