Hello world. The following was written 12/24/2016.
I am being shown a deeper understanding to this thing with my family and the choosing of them over my Husband Alex. My Guides are telling me it was a choice between choosing what was, over what is. The choice of living in the past with the beliefs that were held by them and their dictates and the choice of living in the here and now with my choices and the family of my choosing.
The differences I am being shown are these. My family is unwilling to accept me as I am or to accept my choice in life mate. Unless I conform to their dictates and do as they want I am to be cut off in all ways. They are using their love, affection, and attention as tools to control and manipulate me to their will. They are using them as a punishment.
If I were to give in and do as they ask, they would start with recriminations that I should have listened to them in the first place. Then would come the gushing love and attention oh so briefly. Followed by the cold shoulders and indifference’s until they want something from me. Until then I am to be seen and not heard and I am to do whatever they tell me to do. I am to feel grateful for the tiniest bit of kindness they would deem to give me. All because in their eyes I am not and will never be good enough to deserve their unconditional love and affections. In their minds I was never good enough. I was the mistake they could not keep from happening.
My Guides are saying this is what conditional love looks like in one of its rawest forms. It is part of the training we all go through as children and it continues until the day we die unless we choose to break the cycle ourselves. Stopping it with us and not handing it down to our own children as if we are in a sand bag relay building a wall between us and them as our parents did.
What I have with my Husband is a gift from God. When I stopped picking and choosing who I was going to be with based on their looks, money, and all the other bullshit, God sent me Alex Reyenga. He sent what I needed and wanted. He sent me a best friend and companion who would see below the surface to the Soul within the shell. Someone who could and would love me for me just as I am unconditionally. Someone who did not want anything from me other than my friendship and unconditional love and acceptance of them.
Alex accepted me as I was. He also accepts and loves my son as if he is his own unconditionally. He is everything I ever wanted or dreamed of having. A true friend, companion, exceptional lover, gentle caring Father, and a giver of such beautiful tender unconditional love and acceptance of me and all I believed myself to be then and as I see myself now. He is and has been a true gift from God. Our relationship is the Holiest of Relationships. For we placed ourselves and our trust into Holy Spirits hands the day we came together. We asked for, then received what we wanted and needed. When it came to us we accepted it as it was and have learned to nurture its’ growth and vitality ever since.
In choosing my Husband I choose to live in the here and now and not in the past as my family is choosing to do. I am choosing to step out and stand in my own Light of Truth no matter what anyone else may say, do, think and believe. I chose to accept a gift being given to me by God when I had reached an end to the rat raced hamster wheel of the lie called life and reality I found myself believing in as the Truth.
When we came together a Light began to shine through the things I was holding forth and believing. God helped me to see past the shell that was my Husband’s car to the Soul within. To see past his golden looks that I had learned to judged as evil and deceitful, to his very Soul. To see the Truth that he is not his body or the things I judged him to be based on his shell, his car.
I learned that we had similar experiences with similar, if different, outlooks. That we balanced and complimented each other. That we had been seeking a friend first at the same moment. Our prayers were similar and answered simultaneously. We were the answers to each others prayers and we did not recognize that until much much later on in our journey together.
The conditional love my family gives and the unconditional love I receive from my Husband Alex are at opposites sides of the spectrum. I no longer choose to live in the past. I am choosing to live in the here and now. I choose to do so with my Husband, Alex beside me every step of the way. He is and will always be my choice. His unconditional love is what tethers me to him so completely.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.