Hello world. The following was written 1/14/2016.
My feet are firmly planted in both worlds. I am the conduit in which the energy flows and the message is delivered. I am the tool used to connect one to another and complete the circle. I am the channel the message flows through to get to you the receiver.
In an instant our lives can change. Yet we sit here day in and day out stumbling along blindly. Not seeing the people we are surrounded by. Not seeing anything of the world around us. Instead we are focused on a world within our own minds. A world of guilt, shame, blame and fear. A world of things we are taught to want and desire. A world filled with pain and suffering. A world of take and never give. A world of manipulations. We are trained from the moment of birth to see this world and only this world. To accept what we are told and do what we are told with no questions being asked.
I find myself considering many things I am being shown. As I have mentioned before there has been some drama within my family. My mother is going into surgery tomorrow. She is considered a high risk patient. In the last five years she has been in and out of the hospital and under a knife around 26 times. Almost all of them in one year. She has battled cancer and won. Yet the medicines used have caused her liver, kidneys, and gall bladder to start failing and her bones to deteriorate. Complicating matters is a hernia that was shoved into her upper abdomen the last time she was worked on and left there. All these things combined is what is making this surgery a necessity.
This drama being played out within my family has had some powerful effects. I am sitting here looking at the possibility that I may never see my mother again. My mother called me tonight to tell me she loves me. That she accepts my husband and that she has always loved me unconditionally. It felt as if my mother was telling me goodbye. Yet in my heart I have no fear playing in a corner of my mind. In looking at this I am seeing it as it is with acceptance of whatever the outcome may be.
My mother has been suffering for a very long time. This surgery will increase her quality of life. Of this I have no doubts. Yet I also recognize that she may not want to continue on either. For she has suffered for so very long. I have tried my best to ease her pain as much as I am able too. Now I must sit on the sidelines with my family and await the outcome of what is to come.
Tomorrow becomes today, which becomes yesterday. Most of my life has been spent dreaming of tomorrows, fearful of today’s, and pining for the past. Wanting to redo what cannot be undone. Lately I am living in the moment. Grateful for every instant with those I love and care about. Understanding just how precious each instant truly is to live and love fully unconditionally.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.