Hello world. The following was written 3/22/2015.
Went to bed with a migraine last night. Head is still hurting some this morning, but, nothing like it was last night. I could barely see, the light was hurting my eyes. Alex and I are enjoying our morning so far scanning Facebook and drinking coffee.
Now here is something funny. I am sitting here reading a post I wrote earlier and I find myself speaking out loud this sentence, “Where does this lyricism within you come from?”. I look at my husband and ask him what he thinks of the question. He responds with, “I don’t know what does lyricism mean?”. To which I respond with, “Hell if I know! I think I better look it up.”. The definition I am given when I search google is this, “an artist’s expression of emotion in an imaginative and beautiful way; the quality of being lyrical.” My next thought and statement out loud at reading this, “Well now, Alright then.”. Learning new words everyday. My Guides love to surprise me with words I have never heard before that I have to look up. Amazing, simply amazing.
Now if only the TROLLS would go back into their caves and STFU the morning would be perfect in every way. Nothing like having people talk down to you as if you are an idiot and then try and tell you they know what is best for you. I swear I wouldn’t hesitate to slap the fuck out of some of these people if they were standing in front of me right this second. Spewing their subjective perversions of what they believe others should be doing. No wonder their lives are falling down around them.
I “try” to look at things without judgment as best I am able too. In many of my daily interactions I see myself in others and others in myself whenever I can. I now understand how judgmental and abusive I was to myself when I was overweight and unable to do anything about it, being bedridden at the time. Being made to depend on another to feed me and wipe my ass was a painful lesson in humility which got even deeper when I had to hand over everything I thought gave me purpose in life to someone else. Perspective is understanding that Holy Spirit was letting me know those things do not define who or what I am and neither did the broken body I was inhabiting.
Letting go of any belief, concept, or idea of what or who I thought I was. Pain is watching your body deteriorate before your eyes. Pain is watching another take on every duty you thought of as yours. Pain is recognizing everything you hold dear and precious and as a reflection of yourself in your own mind is shattered again and again until nothing is left but a heap of lifeless pity. All of this began in the blink of an eye and I would scream in my mind, why me?
Holy Spirit states our Clarity of purpose is to see ourselves in others and others in ourselves. As with my situation things may happen in the blink of an eye and another’s life as they knew it was shattered. To recognize they are in pain and struggling to get through it the best they can, just as I did. To see they are no different in their struggle to deal with whatever is happening in their lives. To not judge another’s way as right or wrong but to accept it as their path.
Holy Spirit says to give love, compassion, understanding and support. Nothing more. This is why being subjective is not what a teacher of Holy Spirit’s would do as per my understanding of His teachings to me so far. This is my path and mine alone. It is not something for me to debate. It just is.
The “story” of one’s life is just that a story. Until one looks at the experiences they have had and the perspective they are looking at them in, they continue to suffer. When willingness to look within and see things differently is allowed, perspectives may change. With them an understanding of a bigger picture is presented with a deeper level of understanding being presented for clarification.
When the “Truth” is finally revealed a sense of contentment, well being and peace comes in to replace the torment of previous misperceptions. This “peace” I experience is happiness in its truest form. For there is no longer conflict within bringing questions of uncertainty based on the notions and dictates of what another may specify as being correct. In sharing my experiences and the perceptions I have had with the changes of understanding I can help another to see their own situations differently. Acceptance without judgments so allow what is to be one with me.
For a long time, about 5–6 months I was in a forced isolation. Completely cut off from the outside world by Holy Spirit so I would be better able to learn the lessons He would have me learn without distraction and confusion from the input of others. As I fought and struggled against this isolation my mind was filled with anguish I was being punished. As time elapsed I began to accept and follow Holy Spirit’s guidance I began to look at the traumas in my life. I looked at the past experiences I have had and my perceptions of those experiences at the time. I then began to see them differently with a new understanding of their purpose in my life. To accept them as they are and with an understanding all of these things were expressions for a call for love from those who were creating these events.
In many ways the perpetrators are also the victims of their judgments of themselves. How I choose to see the situation and experience it is my choice. It is and will always be my choice and my decision on what I will experience in any given moment. Even in a near death experience it is my choice whether to stay or go. No excuses, no finger pointing, no placing the blame in any of it.
How I experience anything in my life is my choice and my choice alone. All I may do is ask Holy Spirit for the guidance I will need for whatever His purpose for me is. No longer do I look to a book or another brother for the answers I was seeking. Holy Spirit has shown me that it is now time for me to walk with Him and only Him as my guide. The concepts He guided me to learn and live are now in place. By looking within with Holy Spirit I will be guided and given what it is I may need. This is my path unique to me and my experiences in life. These things are part of who I am.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.