Hello world. The following was written 4/26/2015.
In the act of being raped I am given a choice. I can see it as a trauma which will destroy me or as a call for the love they cannot find within themselves. It is a choice I make. In choosing love I am then able to see it as a gift instead of something which hurts me.
My molesters and rapists were repeating patterns they learned from someone else. They were actively choosing to repeat the patterns. It is a choice. The picture here is in everything, we have a choice. Holy Spirit showed me my perceptions were there, because I was told this is how it is, as a child. Holy Spirit showed me the lie in this. I would not be who I am without having been through the things I have. My understanding and perceptions would not be nearly the same.
The beatings, judgments and anger I received as a child were not really directed at me. They were enacting their rage out on me for what they believed and thought, they had failed to do. They were judging me in their mind as being less than whole and perfect. They were angry at themselves for their own failures in their minds and their judgments of what they believed I was or was not. It was all internal conflict being projected out and expressed as best they could.
Holy Spirit has shown me what the gifts are in the experiences of the traumas of my past. I have joy and peace in my heart now where once there was none. Why are my brothers judging what Holy Spirit has had me doing on MY PATH is wrong? How is it they think they know more then Holy Spirit about me and what He would have me do? I am not seeing how this would ever be possible. If I am able to see my past as the gift it is in all its myriad details of judgmental horror, if I am now at peace from all of it, why would I choose to listen to anyone other then Holy Spirit? What good would it avail me in getting back to my Father?
This process has nothing to do with forgiveness in these moments. This process has to do with looking at what I am and have been experiencing, allowing Holy Spirit to show me the Real Truth without the Bullshit. This process of looking at what was experienced and questioning why I experienced what I did opened a door to understanding why THEY did the things they did to me. How most of it were their projections in action according to what they judged so believed of themselves and what was done to me.
This was part of my process to look at what I was experiencing, hearing and trying to believe what was being said to me as being true. Of the devastating effects of believing what another says I am or should be and do. Of listening to and believing the judgments of others. The sharing I am witnessing my brothers do feels like judgments to me and not a true sharing of the heart. This is why I am being guided to not respond to most of what is being said. Holy Spirit is telling me this is not how He would have me do His work. I am working my processes and will do as Holy Spirit bids me do. Simple enough to do.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.