Hello world. The following was written 2/3/2015.
I have been in deep contemplation the last few days. I have been feeling a great sense of isolation. In following my inner Guides and Holy Spirit, I find myself completely cut off from the world around me. When I try to reach out to anyone all avenues are cut off. My Internet goes down, my phone stops working, my car won’t start, computer crashes and whatever else can happen that will keep me stationary and alone. I am being forced to do exactly as Holy Spirit and my Guides want. I am sitting in silence and stillness alone. I have sat here in tears begging for understanding as to what Their purpose is for me. Why must I be isolated so completely?
An answer came that I have found myself to be very resistant to. As I cried out my anguish to the Universe in general my Husband Alex was given an explanation for me. Jesus, Buddha, and many of the other well known Spiritual figures in history had to go through a time of isolation before they were able to “awaken” or become “enlightened”. A prime example of this is Jesus’s 40 days and 40 nights in the desert. Alex then asked me to consider that this is what Holy Spirit and my Guides purpose has been.
In my mind I feel that I am not worthy of this. Why would I be chosen as they were? I am a nobody with a learning disability and a limited education that is mostly self taught. I have asked for understanding of Holy Spirit and my Guides and they have said to me that I will be a Teacher of Teachers. I keep telling Them that I do not want to be one. I do not want to be anyone’s student and I do not want to be anyone else’s teacher. Holy Spirit and my Guides have told me very clearly, “I DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE. I WILL BE A TEACHER!” Now I am in a turmoil. I am going to be what I have no interest in being.
I have asked for clarity and understanding as to why. Why must I be a teacher? What would I teach? All I have known is pain and suffering. I do not want to teach that. What would they have me teach? Is this why I was put through the things I have experienced in my life? Why I was made to suffer through the horrors I have? Holy Spirit and my Guides answers are so I may be better able to make a connection with others in their own time of need with the love, compassion and the support they are needing to see their own situation differently. I am being and have been getting training for this all my life. I have been given a gift that I have been perceiving as a burden. Now that I am seeing the Truth will I accept Their plans for me?
I am understanding the depths of this path I have been given. I fear the egotistical mind. I have seen the egos willingness to become enlightened. To make of itself the Guru. The need of being the one who has the answers. To want to be worshipped by the masses. I see this exact thing happening with the majority of these self proclaimed teachers. I want nothing to do with that. This is what I am resistant to.
Holy Spirit and my Guides tell me that I need not be afraid of this happening. They started my training with these things in mind. The gifts I have been given are the best tools for the job They would have me do. As I begin to accept Their purpose for me the lines of communication will once again open.
As I contemplate these things I feel the Truth of them. I am also feeling this resistance melting away. I am still feeling unsure of what I am experiencing. Yet I can feel the rightness of it too. Holy Spirit and my Guides, what would you have me say or do?
Blessings on your journeys my brother. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.