Hello world. The following was written 6/11/2015.
“Circumstances do not matter. Only state of being matters.” ~Bashar
No matter my situation in life. How I choose to perceive will depict my state of Being. Before studying A Course In Miracle, my life was chaotically wracked with pain and suffering. All of which I believed I deserved and asked for. I believed the world was out to get me and everyone was my enemy. I had been through many trials, traumas and tribulations in my growing years. My adult years were not showing much difference. Until…( que dramatic music).
In 2004 I wrecked a motorcycle which left me bedridden, wishing I was dead. This first accident placed me in a wheelchair, after 8 months in a bed unable to move or do for myself. As the doctors gave me more medications my body began to shut down. I was dying a very slow painful death. The diagnoses, each time I visited the doctors was worse than the time before. When I reached the bottom of my barrel I prayed to a God I hated and didn’t believe in. I took a leap of faith and placed myself in God’s hands.
God gave me Holy Spirit to guide me to Truth so I may heal. Holy Spirit started me off by telling me to pay attention to what my body was telling me. As I paid attention I started noticing exactly what my body was saying to me. A lot of what I was eating I was allergic to and didn’t even know it. When I stopped eating these things my body healed. Holy Spirit then had me paying attention to my emotions and my body’s physical responses. Then to my thoughts and my body’s response. Holy Spirit has shown me how they are all connected. The body is a tool to help us recognize what it is we think we perceive in any situation.
When ACIM came to my Husband Alex and I, we had no clue who it came from or where. It showed up in our mailbox in 2007. Alex and I did read it until 2013. When we did, ours lives changed dramatically. Holy Spirit had already been training me for many years to pay attention to the body’s signals. When I started ACIM it was the same. Pay attention to the thoughts in my head and those things which are triggering me.
As I began to do this I began to realize how much I judge and accept the judgments of others as being Truth. Going through custody battles with my ex and medical battles with doctors wanting me to take pills I do not want, I learned eventually everything is for my benefit. Even when it does not seem like it in the moment.
My first accident showed me how much I was valuing the valueless. How much weight I was placing on the “doctors” opinions, my family and friends judgments. The more I listened to them, the sicker I got and the worse my life became in all areas. The more I tried to hold onto things the more I suffered. The more I believed what I was told the worse my health got. Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, IBS, sleep apnea, asthma, bronchitis, Migraines, general body pain from broken bones, ill health and so much more. I was believing the judgments and opinions of others then enacting them on myself. I was judging myself.
After the year of ACIM, I buckled down and started to really look at what I was believing in and judging. I was judging everything and everyone around me, including myself. I was also judging God as not being able to guide me. I actually had the audacity and temerity to think I knew better than God or someone outside of me knew better than God. Now this was a fucking laughable. Here I was thinking something has gone wrong or I was bad in some way. I believed I was being punished. I believed “I” needed to make money so this thingy will happen, because I, Because I. Yeah I kept judging.
Now, why is it my life is so chaotic? Oh, yeah, “I” keep thinking I know something and I should be doing something. When will I learn all is perfect and if I just accept and allow I will be given all I need. Not all I want, but all I NEED. Now this is what I call Divine intervention. Giving me what I need instead of what I think I want. Thank you Father for giving me Holy Spirit to guide me home to you. I love you.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.