Hello world. The following was written 8/05/2018.
A couple of days ago my Husband, Alex, shared a post talking about suicide and how he has come to understand it is not the answer. The responses to his sharing opened a dialogue with our brothers about their UNWILLINGNESS to LISTEN TO HEAR their brothers calls for love.
Alex Reyenga shares, “I have to admit that when life gets me down death does feel like an escape. I have contemplated suicide for many months over the past few years. One day a thought came into my mind while I was contemplating suicide and what it would feel like to be dead that told me that if I kill myself I will just come back where I left off. So the escape from this world is not suicide but it is to let go and let God.
We created this world of pain and suffering because we wanted to escape God, to separate from him, and so we must ask God to lead us back home from where we are at as the illusion of death is just more separation. So we must allow Holy Spirit to lead us out of the hell that we made by asking him to lead the way as to where He would have us go, what He would have us say, and to whom.”
A brother responds, “Alex, reach out to someone you trust and speak with your heart and true feelings. Sometimes we just need to release and free ourselves of emotional conflict. The answer is not suicide. Last month I was camping in Colorado and the guys next to us were partying pretty late. I mumbled and grumbled but went back to sleep not realizing that in just a couple of hours one of those guys put a gun to his head and ended his life at 43 years of age.
His family who was there along with cousins, friends and girlfriend were devastated. No one realized the state he was in and any one of us could have reached out to him, if we only would have known. Afterwards it was too late and the loss of this young man’s life was felt by everyone, if we would have only know his desperation, we could have helped!
So I urge you to reach out to family, friends, clergy or seek professional help. Let your loved ones know you are in despair and need their friendship now more than ever. There are good people around you who love and care for you, please talk to them. These feelings you are experiencing will pass if you open up and talk to someone.
Do not go into the darkness of despair, instead, choose the light. Talk to others, let the people you love know you need help. True friends will be there to help you thru this. Don’t leave someone else your life’s messes to clean up. Change how you think and process emotions and find something good in life every day to be thankful for and be kind to yourself. You don’t get down overnight, it takes time to pull out of despair and find the goodness in life and living. Share in the love of others. Get a pet, transfer pain into happiness by knowing that you are loved, wanted and needed in this life. Trust in your faith and God.
You must take the first steps towards healing, let someone know you are hurting. Life can be good, you can make that happen. Have faith in yourself and know that many people love you too. You are never alone, ask God to come into your heart and sing praises instead of dwelling on the gloom in life. Every time you sink into despair reach out for someone to throw you a life ring because the answer is never death. Life here on this plane can get better if you put forth the effort to make it better. Every day find things to be happy about. Don’t dwell on things which can not be changed, instead, work on change from the inside. Be positive for one minute, an hour, a few hours … increase your happiness daily and you will come out of the darkness. Believe in your strength to come back to those who love you, but please let them know you are hurting now and need their help.”
My response, “Brother, you have misread my Husbands post. He is not saying that he is contemplating suicide right this minute. He was sharing that HE HAS thought of it and realized it is not an answer. Try reading his post again. You misperceive what is shared here.
By the way, telling someone they are wrong, need help, need to take a pill and so forth is WHAT WILL SHOVE a person into grabbing that gun and putting it into their mouth and pulling that trigger. You do not even realize how judgmental your commentary is and comes across as. You just told my Husband he is not good enough, he “SHOULD” be doing this and feeling that. You are telling him he is not allowed to feel and experience whatever he is in those moments. Instead of judging what another is choosing and experiencing, try lacing your fingers together and placing them over your mouth to keep yourself from responding when your brother opens their heart and expresses what they are experiencing. Try listening to HEAR AND NOT ANSWER. Your answer was an egoistic judgmental response that if he is thinking about death he is doing something wrong.”
Our brother responds, “I am so sorry, it was not my intent to judge anyone. I recently had first hand experience and was trying to help. Would never knowingly offend, if trying to help has compromised anything or anyone I am sorry. We are all human and I misspoke, my apologies for the offense. It truly was not meant to offend. We all go thru dark times and sometimes we just need a little help.”
My response, “You did not offend. I was pointing out your misconception as to what was being shared. I also shared the correction and what is actually needed. Everyone says go talk to someone and negate that the person IS talking to someone, THEM! When your brother is pouring their heart out to you they are asking you to just listen to them. Many times all they are needing is to vocalize what is being experienced so they can see it clearly and then work to heal it. It is being told you need to speak to someone and no one is willing to stand there and listen that drives them to suicide.
In the act of telling them to go talk to someone else you tell them you do not want to listen to them nor help them. That they are not worth your time. That is what you do when you point them to go elsewhere.
It is the very fact that they are opening up to you that tells you they are seeking your love and light in their darkest moments. Are you willing to be the Light for those around you or do you want to keep that Light all to yourself? In pushing them away and trying to keep the Light for yourself you actually are dimming your own light and trying to put it out like theirs is.
You receive that which you give brother. If you are giving Love and Light always you receive it. If you would hide your Light then you will forever be in the dark for you hide the Light from yourself.
By the way, you were using a form of psychological manipulation in the forms of shame, blame and guilt to manipulate your brother into conforming to your belief that suicide is bad or wrong. I realize you had no understanding of what it was you were doing in those moments. All of Humanity has been conditioned into that way of thinking and manipulating those around them from birth. The indoctrination happens on a subliminal level and becomes propagated through the societal interactions we have with those around us. All of it is done subliminally without our conscious awareness of what it is we are doing or are or have been trained to do here.”
Our brother responds, “Sabrina Reyenga’s better place.”
My response, “I am no different from you brother. I have been where you are at on my own journey. I have experienced many of the same things you have and probably many many more that you have not. Yet we are EXACTLY the SAME. The only differences between us are those you hold in your own mind as being what would divide us here.
All of it is a choice you make to believe.”
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.