Hello world. The following was written 11/02/2018.
What is this for? What would you have us do with this? Where would you have us go? How would you have us get there? What would you have us do, once there? How does one keep their fear, at bay? How does one stop the mind, from spinning its wheels fruitlessly? What would you have one do in a situation as this, when it seems all hope has been lost?
The cinch has been tightening for a long time now. The weight of the stress of trying to make ends meet in a world which has made it all but impossible, lends one towards a feeling of hopelessness and defeat. Struggling day in and day out, never knowing if you will have enough.
It isn’t because, you’re not working. You work, yet the pay barely covers anything. Like a patchwork quilt you have gotten good at patching everything, until the next time. You keep holding on by the skin of your teeth. Every month things are getting paid seemingly. Yet, there is always something which has to wait because there just isn’t enough.
Well I am done with this rat race, God. I am done struggling, to pay my bills. I am done struggling, period. If you want me to hold this Light for you, then give me some damn Light! I have been struggling for so damn long, to hold this Light and keep my faith everything is for my benefit and nothing is going wrong. When I can’t pay my bills even if it is only one, it sure as hell feels as if something has gone freaking wrong.
When do we get a break, from this constant struggling? How do I continue to hold the Light for others, when my own Light feels as if it wants to give up and go out? What is this for? What would you have us do with this? How is this of benefit to us? What would you have us do?
I sit here crying my eyes out, as I ask what all this is for. Feeling the pain and suffering, of those around me. Experiencing the heart ache and anxiety they are feeling, inside myself. How can I continue to hold the Light when I feel I am drowning in darkness, barely keeping my own head above water? I have done all The Holy Spirit has asked of me. I do not feel I have any more, to give. I am nearly empty! What more, would you have of me? What more, do I have to give? I am empty! I need your Light, God! I need your Light!
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.