Hello world. The following was written in the early 90’s and published 8/12/2016.
Fly
Throughout my life I’ve seen a flaw.
I’ve been the fly upon the wall.
Seldom spoken to and never received.
In any circle socially.
I’ve watched and listened to old and young.
All tell me I’m to old or to young.
I’ve tried people my age.
Yet people see me as to strange.
Because I have an open mind.
They tend to think I am blind.
I will not let them see my tears.
As their words cut and shred my ears.
When I am shunned socially.
I feel my Soul begin to bleed.
I am the fly upon the wall.
That you KILL, with no thought at all.
Sabrina Reyenga
Holy Spirit has been playing this poem from my twenties in my mind. At the time I was watching a group of young people outside of a coffee shop. They stood in a circle shoulder to shoulder. On the out skirts of the circle were 3 or 4 people not being permitted to join in fully. When questions would be directed to them, it was an over the shoulder comment never fully engaging the person being spoken too.
In myself I could see how I was in a similar position at that age. Wanting to be accepted by everyone just as I was and not as they wanted me to be. Yet, I would say, do, and believe whatever they said just to be accepted and liked by them. I was listening to and believing the judgments of others.
As life progressed more and more I felt the conflict grow within me. The more I tried to follow another’s dictates the more miserable I was. The more I suffered. Holy Spirit is showing me how I was seeing it, but not understanding what I was experiencing back then. If I had stopped and listened to His guidance from within, I would not have suffered as long as I did. It was my judgments and beliefs in what others had taught me which built the anger I had for God in my mind. I had blamed God for what I believed another had told me I was and what was done to me. It was my choice. Holy Spirit has shown me I can choose again and I have.
My path has shown me everything is my choice. I choose to listen to Holy Spirit or the ego. When I listen to others and believe their judgments of me, I am believing in ego. Only I can do this work with Holy Spirit within me. No one else may do this for me. I have to make a conscious choice as to what I am going to believe now. The responsibility is mine and mine alone. I am responsible for what I think, feel, perceive and experience. No one else is to blame ever. I am not responsible for what they are going through in their minds either. I had to learn to stop listening to and believing what others said of me. It is a habit we learn and have to unlearn. Unlearn it I did.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.
Great poem.. That’s awesom that it’s memorized too.
Thanks for sharing. One thing I’ve learned is my mind talks and talks if I let it. It’s don’t it my whole life and I’m not even creative these thoughts. Because it’s like a computerv shooting out information, as I have mentioned, and it literally processes life experiences but the programming is faulty. The mind began it’s programming using our senses and experiences when we were very young. It listened to the words spoken at us as well as our actual thoughts when we’re using the brain and things we are sense and feel and all that programming was included.. so the thoughts are usually not truth, until we learn to reprogram it. It will gets to make me identify as the”I” being the brain but now I do a lot of self inquiry.
Becoming the”Witnessing presence” and watching the thoughts then asking myself “🤔 where did this thought come from?” Whose voice is this REALLY? A parent? The inner child? Societies programed beliefs? Identifying the people as well as the parts of myself that lie to me to keep me living in my “mind made sense of self”. That idea of who I am vs. The reality. I have a shadow side. It’s not evil, everyone has it and I used to think I couldn’t have that it somehow made me less light. Nope it gives me strength when I need to protect myself from people who are ONLY living in farmers or are just hurtful or lower frequency beings. I know I have several”personas” or attitudes and I’m aware of this is a part of my personality.
I learned from Eckhart Tolle book “the power of now” I started learning to live in a place of no thought. The thoughts don’t start me along in their correct as easily and higher self and spirits voice is usually the only one that’s left. Eh most of the time at least.
Also the mind is sneaky, thoughts that come from the mind made self (not necessarily created by us, but by the brain) become more spiritually inclined hoping I’ll identify with it and believe it to be my true higher self (since now I’m on that path it jumps on that train too)
It’s just crazy how even now at times I’ll zone out and be captured by my thoughts. I have a brand new copy on”the power of now” I can send it to you if you’d like . Other wise There’s the audiobook that free on yt even just chapter 1 is awesome. Love love
https://youtu.be/lEDWbA6lNGQ