Hello world. The following was written 11/02/2018.
What is this for and what would you have us do with this? Where would you have us go and how would you have us get there? What would you have us do once there? How does one keep their fear at bay? How does one stop the mind from spinning its wheels fruitlessly? What would you have one do in such a situation as this when it seems all hope has been lost?
The cinch has been tightening for a long time now. The weight of the stress of trying to make ends meet in a world that has made that all but impossible, lends one towards a feeling of hopelessness and defeat. Struggling day in and day out never knowing if you will have enough.
It isn’t because you’re not working. You work, yet the pay barely covers anything. Like a patchwork quilt you have gotten good at patching everything until the next time. You keep holding on by the skin of your teeth. Every month things are getting paid seemingly. Yet there is always something that has to wait because there just isn’t enough.
Well I am done with this rat race God. I am done struggling to pay my bills. I am done struggling period. If you want me to hold this Light for you then give me some damn Light! I have been struggling for so damn long to hold this Light and keep my faith that everything is for my benefit and that nothing is going wrong. When I can’t pay my bills even if it is only one it sure as hell feels as if something has gone freaking wrong.
When do we get a break from this constant struggling? How do I continue to hold the Light for others when my own Light feels as if it wants to give up and go out? What is this for and what would you have us do with this? How is this of benefit to us? What would you have us do?
I sit here crying my eyes out as I ask what all this is for. Feeling the pain and suffering of those around me. Experiencing the heart ache and anxiety they are feeling inside myself. How can I continue to hold the Light when I feel I am drowning in darkness barely keeping my own head above water? I have done all that Holy Spirit has asked of me. I do not think I have any more to give. I am nearly empty! What more would you have of me? What more do I have to give? I am empty! I need your Light God! I need your Light!
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.